Between working full time and being a part time student I have really struggled with having any creative inspiration for months. Work has been very stressful since about November, in fact I found out a couple of weeks ago that I may actually lose my job, they are consolidating headcount and my role loses 3 people nationally.
On Friday I had to interview for my current role and maybe we find out on Monday, and then either way it will still be difficult as I could lose my job, or keep it but lose a necessary and valued colleague.
I know that when very stressed I lose my creative scope and so am trying not to be to bothered about that as well, but I’m planning a holiday in a month and a friends wedding in 6 weeks and am really struggling to work up any enthusiasm for either. That by itself is bothering me quite a lot.
Watching my cats play on the lawn, cat and kitten wrestling and being cute, and thinking “I should get my camera” but don’t cos right now I have more important things to worry about.
This isn’t a post about how much my life sucks right now, its a post about how the creative part of a persons makeup is such a delicate and fragile thing, how surprising it is that it needs energy to feed and develop it. That when you don’t have excess energy it just disappears like clouds on a windy day. Yes its probably fair to say I am more than a little depressed and this is one of my symptoms. It feels like a part of my soul is…..numb.
For various reasons I hope everything sorts itself out one way or another because I really MISS playing with my camera. I miss creating art and appreciating the beauty in this world. Right now I see it and know its there but its like its on the other side of a door that I can’t open cos I don’t have a key for it.
Right now am reading comfort books, playing with my cats, gardening and eating comfort foods and hoping HOPING that everything sorts itself out real soon.
(Both of the images in this post were taken in Aug last year and processed late last year)