I haven’t taken a real photo in months

Moss and cobwebs in native forest in Paradise Valley past the Dart River

Between working full time and being a part time student I have really struggled with having any creative inspiration for months.  Work has been very stressful since about November, in fact I found out a couple of weeks ago that I may actually lose my job, they are consolidating headcount and my role loses 3 people nationally.

On Friday I had to interview for my current role and maybe we find out on Monday, and then either way it will still be difficult as I could lose my job, or keep it but lose a necessary and valued colleague.

I know that when very stressed I lose my creative scope and so am trying not to be to bothered about that as well, but I’m planning a holiday in a month and a friends wedding in 6 weeks and am really struggling to work up any enthusiasm for either.  That by itself is bothering me quite a lot.

Watching my cats play on the lawn, cat and kitten wrestling and being cute, and thinking “I should get my camera” but don’t cos right now I have more important things to worry about.

This isn’t a post about how much my life sucks right now, its a post about how the creative part of a persons makeup is such a delicate and fragile thing, how surprising it is that it needs energy to feed and develop it. That when you don’t have excess energy it just disappears like clouds on a windy day.  Yes its probably fair to say I am more than a little depressed and this is one of my symptoms.  It feels like a part of my soul is…..numb.

For various reasons I hope everything sorts itself out one way or another because I really MISS playing with my camera.  I miss creating art and appreciating the beauty in this world.  Right now I see it and know its there but its like its on the other side of a door that I can’t open cos I don’t have a key for it.

Right now  am reading comfort books, playing with my cats, gardening and eating comfort foods and hoping HOPING that everything sorts itself out real soon.

(Both of the images in this post were taken in Aug last year and processed late last year)

Old horseshoes covered in cobwebs at Paradise Homestead in Paradise Valley. Processed in LR and Nik Silver EFEX Click to embiggen

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About lensaddiction

Mad keen photographer figuring it out as she goes!
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9 Responses to I haven’t taken a real photo in months

  1. All the best to you in this stressful time. I agree, creativity can be quite a delicate thing.

  2. Victoria says:

    I totally understand, and agree. “how the creative part of a persons makeup is such a delicate and fragile thing” And it can become a viscous cycle…. It’s happened to me too, recently. Due to health issues. I bought a Cannon EOS about a month ago, and just took it out of the box, last night. Making small steps. 🙂 I find that I MUST indulge my creativity (my passion for looking, seeing, shooting) for the sake of survival. Wishing you all the best. And by the way… that last shot is stellar! ~v

    • lensaddiction says:

      Hey Victoria, congrats on the new camera, its hard enough to deal with all that technology without not feeling well so go easy on yoursefl and as you say, small steps 🙂

      Thanks for the comments on the images, I really like the horseshoes and worked hard to get the tones right and still have the detail in the spiderwebs

  3. Victoria says:

    That first shot is pretty awesome, too! Great bokeh.

  4. Really sorry about the job situation. These photos are gorgeous.

  5. Carolyn Collins says:

    I so know what you mean as I didn’t feel like taking any photos for months after the big quake. And I’ve had the job situation too but years ago now. I definitely look forward to your posts and always enjoy what you share with us. We don’t actually mind when they were taken, just the fact that we can share your trip or moments with your gorgeous cats is a pleasure. Thanks again.

    • lensaddiction says:

      Thanks Carolyn, its kind of you to say you enjoy my posts. I have taken some kitten photos but not got around to uploading them cos my hard drive is nearly full 🙂

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