Last night he walked in front of a train and killed himself, leaving an explanation note online.
This is not my normal subject matter but I have never had someone I knew personally commit suicide before.
I suffer from depression, and have been on anti-depressants. Personally I think my brain is wired a little that way but it is aggravated by taking contraceptive hormones and I have been subjected to a great many over the years, to try and control my health problems in that area.
Given that, there have been some very dark times personally, and I will admit, there are times I have considered taking that last step just to make the pain go away.
It never got that far, because even in the dark places, there was still a place for hope, that the situation could improve, and there was still a light in the darkness. Later when I was in a better life situation, there were friends who understood and offered support and understanding in whatever form it took.
But first I had to face the fact there was a problem and I still remember sitting down in the doctors office and actually say the words out loud “I need help” and later share the news with my friends. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and the main reason for me was that it felt like I was putting my burden on their shoulders too.
So while I understand the action that he took yesterday, I am so very sad that this bright young man with all the promise in the world felt so lost and abandoned that this was the only choice left to him.
I hope you finally found the peace you needed